Image courtesy of tungphoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
This month, Sleep Sisters is focused on bedtime. We thought it best to start off with a review of age-appropriate bedtimes. As certified infant and child sleep consultants, we are often asked what time kids should be going to sleep and whether it really makes a difference.
The answer is YES, the time your child goes to sleep does make a difference. We all have a biological clock and our circadian rhythms can help us sleep if we honor them by getting to bed at the right time. In addition, maintaining a consistent bedtime (and wake time) helps keep our internal clock “set” and is a critical part of healthy “sleep hygiene,” according to Harvard Medical School’s Division of Sleep Medicine.
Granted, all kids are different and you know what your child is like if he doesn’t get enough sleep. Many of us have been duped into thinking, “If my child stays up late, he’ll just sleep late and make up for it in the morning.” How’s that worked for you?
A too-late bedtime may lead to:
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Difficulty getting to sleep. Once your child passes her natural “sleep window” her body will produce cortisol and even adrenaline (hormones that stimulate the body). Parents sometimes notice their child’s “second wind.”
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Night waking. Often when children go to bed too late, their sleep will not be as sound and they often wake during the night. Cortisol causes poor sleep quality.
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Early morning waking. It seems counter-intuitive, but often when kids are waking very early in the morning, a late bedtime is the culprit.
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Less sleep overall. Research has shown that kids with a late bedtime get cumulatively less sleep than kids who have earlier bedtimes, showing they don’t make up for the missed sleep by sleeping later or napping longer.
So when should your little one go down for the night? It depends a bit on your child’s sleep during the day. But here are some general guidelines by age:
|
Age |
Hours of Sleep |
Bedtime |
Notes |
| Newborn | 15-18 | N.A. | New babies don’t yet have any circadian rhythms, and they typically sleep in short spurts of two to four hours throughout the day and night. |
| 1-4 months | 14-15 | 8:00-11:00 | These babies are still developing and feeding often throughout the night. Bedtime starts moving earlier by four months. |
| 4-8 months | 14-15 | 5:30 – 7:30 | Circadian rhythms are emerging. Regular naps (ideally around 9, 12, 3) and an earlier bedtime help these babies get the sleep they need for significant physical and mental development. Bedtime may be on the early side of this range if naps are missed or short. |
| 8 -10 months | 12-15 | 5:30 – 7:00 | Babies this age may only take two naps (9am, 1pm). Bedtime should be no later than 3.5 hrs after second nap ends. Bedtime may move earlier to compensate for lack of third nap. |
| 10-15 months | 12-14 | 6:00 -7:30 | Babies may be transitioning to only one nap in the afternoon, so bedtime may need to move earlier for a while. Bedtime should be no later than 4 hours after waking from nap. |
| 15 months – 3 years | 12-14 | 6:00 -7:30 | Naps may end during this period, or be inconsistent. Move bedtime earlier to help adjustment to no nap. |
| 3 – 6 years | 11-13 | 6:00 – 8:00 | Your child will likely drop the afternoon nap. Once your child is no longer napping, he will need an extra hour of sleep at night, so adjust bedtime accordingly. |
| 7 – 12 years | 10-11 | 7:30 – 9:00 | School age children are still experiencing enormous growth, are very active, and require a lot of sleep. Adequate sleep helps with school performance, behavior, attention, memory, and more. |
| Teenagers | 9+ | See note | Many teens need to be up early for school. Count backwards from wake time to find the bedtime that ensures they are getting enough sleep. Keep in mind it takes kids an average of 15 minutes to fall asleep, and likely more if they have a lot on their minds. |
13 year ol daughter is allowed when only I am here to bed at 9:30 but when her dad is home it’s tends to be 8:50-9:00 he’s quite strict! Was wondering what time would be appropriate? He is doing very well in school work and nothing seems to be out of place?!
My baby is 7 months old and doesn’t get nearly that much sleep! He has been waking up every hour (roughly) for the last two months. The doctor says not to worry but I do! I don’t know how he is surviving with such little sleep. He has reflux and bad gas which assist in waking him up throughout the night. Any suggestions?
Hi, Tawna. We know it’s hard not to worry when you have a new baby. There are many reasons a baby may be waking so frequently including not getting enough day time sleep, not having an ideal sleep environment, not sleeping at the biologically appropriate times….just to name a few! Reflux and gas can complicate sleep but making sure you’re establishing strong sleep habits that are healthy and biologically consistent will be really helpful! Please let us know if you’d like to set up a consultation so we can discuss the specifics of your family – every baby is unique! Best of luck.
I have a 23 month old who has never slept through the night. He balls well during the day, one nap after lunch for between an hour an 90 minutes, washing up happy and ready to play. He has a bath just before seven then stories, milk and lights out. However if I leave him to go to sleep he cries and cries and I don’t agree with leaving a child upset, so I sit with him until he falls asleep. When he wakes in the night I give him a cuddle and out him back to bed, he falls back to sleep quite easily, but then wakes again at five. No matter how hard I try he won’t go back to sleep until he has some milk. Any suggestions on getting him to sleep through? I don’t mind an early morning if I’ve had a solid nights sleep.
Thanks
Hi, Jane! Sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. My daughter is about 6 months older and we went through something similar (I’m actually writing a blog about this topic this week….stay tuned!) and it is really common! You may want to try moving lights out about 15-30 minutes earlier and see if that helps. There are many factors that can effect a child’s sleep so it’s hard to give specific advice without knowing more but we’d be happy to work with you if you’d like to set up a consultation! Remember that 2-year-olds love to exert their independence and will push back just to see how you react! Your son is certainly testing your limits and boundaries and it’s important that you decide where your limits fall….! Best of luck. – Debbie
Hi I have a two year old boy that has to get up @ 7 for early headstart. They nap from 11:30-2:00 and we lay him down at 7:00 to watch mickey mouse it used to work but now he isn’t getting to sleep till 10. What time should he be going to bed and how can we get him to sleep faster.
Hi, Cassandra. Take a look at my comments to Jane….I think a lot applies to your situation as well! Please know that looking at electronic screens an hour before sleep can really hinder the body’s ability to fall asleep. WE would recommend “lights out” at 7 without any screens before hand! Best of luck!
Hi there.
My baby is 6 months old. I have read lots of articlea that your baby should sleep by 19:30. Mine goes to sleep between 21:30-22:30. He only wakes up then between 08:00-08:30 so he gets 10-11 hours sleep. Then he goes down for a nap about 45mins-80mins later.
It has been working for us because we go to bed late ans usually only get up at about 8am anyway. But for about a week he has been fighting evening sleep and ends up going to bed late before he finally gives in and falls asleep on the breast.
I don’t find it ideal to put him to sleep at 19:30. He does nap during the day and eat well etc, just not sure how to get over the fighting sleep.
HI, Rochelle. We recommend that time because it’s when the body naturally is “primed” for sleep for a baby at that age. In fact, many babies actually need an EARLIER bedtime….some as early at 5:30 or 6pm. If it works for a family to have their baby go to bed later, that’s fine….when it STOPS working, we try to assess if the baby can really tolerate a later bedtime and if there are any other factors involved with the struggle. Babies at 6 months are more social and tend to “fight” being away from other people. Getting the timing of naps and bed right for each baby is often key to a successful sleep schedule!
I feel I follow this schedule fairly well but my 2 year old is consistently waking up early, between 4:00 and 5:30. I try treating it like a night waking but some days he will still be awake at 6:30-7:00! I have a 5 month old that I’m also tending to during that time so how can I get my older child to stay asleep or go back to sleep till a more reasonable hour? I would love to start our day closer to 6:30. Before I forget, we usually go to bed around 7:30. Naturally, he is also fighting naps but no matter what his night looked like, I try only letting him sleep 1.5-2 hours for his nap because I don’t want him to shift his schedule to sleeping more during the day than night. I guess the main question I have is how can I get him to sleep later in the morning or at least return to sleep after waking up? He doesn’t understand time yet for a wake-up clock to work.
Hi, Lindsay! Yes – this is a tough age! You’ve hit a common problem and we here this complaint at least once a week! Really, the best solution to night wakings at this age is to explain before bedtime that you will come in to get him when the “sun is awake” and not before. If it’s still dark out, you expect him to stay quietly in his crib. There are some other behavioral approaches you can take as well that take some time and “homework” on your part to prepare for. Let us know if you’d like to schedule a consultation so we can work with your family’s specific needs.
My son is transitioning to one nap and is having a hard time. He sleeps from 6-6 and I can’t figure out what the ideal nap time is. I’ve tried 11, 11:30 and 12 and all result I just an hour nap and a cranky toddler. He is 18 months. Any advise??
Hi, Ana. It’s hard to say with so little information! You may want to try a 7-7 schedule with a nap closer to 1pm which is more typically the “correct” biological schedule. If you’re set on the 6-6 schedule, we would expect a nap starting between 11:30 and noon would be appropriate – once the transition is successfully finished. There are lots of factors involved when a child that age is transitioning to 1 nap and can be tough! Usually takes up to a month for it to really “stick”. Please let us know if you would like to set up a consultation!
We are struggling with our just turned 2 year old… She has been fighting naps & bedtime. She generally wakes up by 7:30am, used to take a 1:00 nap until 3 & bedtime 8:00.. Now with fighting her afternoon nap she sometimes doesn’t fall asleep until close to 3:00 & wants to sleep until 5 & then will not be ready for bedtime until about 9:00 or even later if we let her… I know the nap is throwing her off, just not sure how to get back on her nap schedule. It’s hard fighting her every single day for the nap & then bedtime again!
Hi, Stephanie! 2 is a hard age! It’s hard to give specific advice without more information but we can suggest that waking your daughter consistently at 7am and then sticking with the 1pm nap will likely work. In order to do that, we would really recommend a much earlier bedtime….7pm is probably the latest your little one can tollorate and will likely get her back on track. Of course, as with all children, there are many, many factors that effect sleep so this is just some general thoughts. If you would like more specific feedback based on your own family’s needs, please feel free to contact us for a consultation!
I need help!
My little man doesn’t seem to want to go to bed until around 10-11 at night!! He sleeps good through the night this way. I’m wondering how do I go from putting him down at 10:30-11 to putting him down at 7:30 at least. How do you make that drastic of a change? Also would you feel him again or would our mornings just start around 4:30-5?
How old is your son? Does he nap during the day? Does he seem tired in the late afternoon or early evening? Moving bedtime earlier doesn’t necessarily corollate with waking earlier, either.
Hi my daughter is almost 27 months and for the past month has been resisting nap. I fight with her for about an hour to an hour and a half and by the time she’s sleeping its already 3 to 4 o’clock. She wakes up around 8 am and she won’t fall asleep at night until 10. When she naps we have the same routine of reading 2 books before and we do the same at night. If I let her she would nap for 3 hours so we have to wake her up from it. I’m not sure if she’s resisting nap because she’s ready to stop napping all together. I’m not really sure what to do but I’m extremely tired of fighting her every day to go down for a nap. Please help
I have a question!
I have a 4 month old whose bed time is at 10:30pm. He sleeps until 7 am all through the night. He naps at 9:30,1,and 6. (His 1 o clock sleep is about 2-3 hours). I’ve tried to move his bedtime but it seems to be his natural time at 10:30. I’ve tried moving him sooner but how do you adjust the feeding?! Certainly he doesn’t sleep that whole time through without eating? My son also is the type that after eating he is wide awake so a dream feed has never worked! Just curious if there’s a way to transition him to bed sooner without totally shocking his system and I’m curious about the feedings. Of course I’m assuming here he’d still sleep until 7 am. He has a normal pattern of up 2 hours-2 hours and a half and then sleep 2 hours.
Thanks so much!!
Help! I read the symptoms of going to bed too late, but my daughter goes to bed at 7:30 and she does all those things (gets up early the next day, wakes up in the middle of the night to come to my bed, cannot go to sleep at a normal time without a melatonin (dr prescribed) ). If she does not have the medicine she won’t go to bed on her own until 11pm or after. She reads her books before bed, does not drink water, and goes to the bathroom. I don’t know how to keep her asleep the entire night. Is the bed time too early?
Hi, Krystal. There are many, many factors that can cause a child to have difficulty sleeping. Without more information, I’m afraid all we can give you are general guidelines. Without knowing the age of your daughter or her bedtime routine, we can tell you that early bedtimes are often helpful and are even more important when there are any struggles with falling asleep or waking too early. Perhaps 7:30 is too late! We’d be happy to help you if you’d like to schedule a consultation with us and provide us with more information! Best of Luck!
Oh goodness, I thought I put her age, I am sorry! She is 6 years old. She had activities that go past some nights, as well as homework and book reading.
Did you ever figure out how to solve your problem? Just asking cause I am having the same exact problem as you with my 6 year old son
I would do research on melatonin in young children such as your daughter. Long term use and starting it at such a young age can be dangerous. I am floored a doctor would prescribe a medicine to make a child go to sleep. The childs body needs to learn to produce its own melatonin not use a synthetic form of it. My now 15 yr old had a awful time with sleep when she was younger. I found soft music and a 20 minute rest/ quiet time in the afternoon especially after school helped tremendously. Also reading/drawing would make her go to sleep. I also used the warm odject trick witch i used a warm pack would give her something warm to relax her. No tv was a big thing to break at least a half hr before bed and we would read a book or just lay or sit and talk about calm things. Either way please look up reserch for use of melatonin in young ones.
my daughter will be 3 next month. this past week, she has been waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. she refuses to be comforted and will cry unless we bring her to bed with us or lie down with her in her room. nothing has changed recently…same schedule, not sick, not teething. my husband and I are at a loss as to why she’s doing this and what to do about this. we really want her to sleep through the night again without our help. any thoughts? thank you!
Hi, Sue. We’re sorry to hear your daughter is waking. This is very common – in fact, Debbie’s 2-year-old started waking in the middle of the night last week as well! Take a look at our blog about nightmares: http://sleepsisters.com/nightmares/. That is most likely what’s going on. There are often many factors that cause night wakings including a bedtime that’s too late, nightmares, growth spurts…etc. Without more information, it’s hard to give you a firm reason. Try reading that blog and see if any of our suggestions help. Another caution – try not to create any new habits that might involve her needing you to fall back to sleep! Best of luck!
Hi! My son turned 4 this past September. He no longer takes naps during the day. He sometimes ends up falling asleep during the day on his own on the couch or in his room). We put him to bed around 8:00, 8:30 and that is a struggle. We read him a book and then try to leave but he complains that he wants us to sleep with him. We usually lay with him for 10 minutes and tell him we will be back to check on him if he is still not sleeping. He will usually fall asleep after that (closer to 9:00 now), BUT then he wakes up a few times a night and comes into our bed. Tossing and turning so I know he isn’t getting good sleep. We will bring him back to his bed and he is again back in ours an hour or two later. His behavior is getting worse and I think a lot of it has to do with his sleep habits! HELP please!!
Hi, Meghan! Behavior and Sleep are so closely related and your little one certainly seems tired! Generally, kids your son’s age need an earlier bedtime – especially once they stop napping! Although there can be lots of factors involved, we typically find that a bedtime around 7pm is best for 4-year-olds. We’d be happy to set up a consult with you if you feel you need more personalized attention! Best of luck!
Hi! Similar to several other comments of moms of two year olds – my husband and I are having a really difficult time with getting our child to sleep past 5:30. His bed time has been 8 PM (sometimes 8:30) and he naps at school between 1-2 hours. Before the end of daylight saving time (11/01), he was consistently waking between 6:15-6:45. We did not really adjust bed time to account for daylight saving time and I’m not sure if that is where we made an error or not, because now (11/01-current) he is waking up at 5:30 daily. In fact, we read your article yesterday evening and tried putting him to bed at 7:45 to see if that would help anything. Instead of helping, he woke up at 4:30 and after four attempts over the period of 45 minutes to get him to lay back down for more sleep, we gave up. Should we continue to try for an early bed time over the next week and see if that helps? We are at our wits end with the current 5:30 wake up time (especially because we are not early risers and do not get up before 6:30 earliest) and 4:30 is just completely unreasonable. I am completely clueless as to why he is doing this. I thought after a week of daylight saving time being over, he would have adjusted, but nothing has changed. I’m really looking forward to your response!
Hi, Lane. Please let us know if you’re still struggling – we’d be happy to help. It does typically take about 10 days for kids to adjust. Our own kids are finally getting back to a good wakeup time! If you’re still struggling, perhaps we can help. Feel free to email or call us to set up a consult.
I have a little boy who turned 3 in August. Since he started sleeping through the night, he gets up super early (around 5, sometimes earlier). We put him in bed every night no later than 8. Do we need to put him down earlier to help him sleep later?
Early waking can be a factor of many things. But if you suspect that an earlier bedtime might help (and it may), try it for a week or two and see if you notice a difference. If not, there may be other factors contributing to the early wake and we would need to look more broadly and ask lots more questions! Good luck.
I am so frustrated with my daughter’s sleep for the past few months, she’s 34 months now. Her natural wake-up tends to be 630/645. Naps were at 12/1230 for quite some time but she started fighting them so lately it’s more like 1. I usually aim for her to to be lying down for bedtime 4 hours after she wakes from her nap which is usually 645/7. However, she will lay there awake for a long time trying to go to sleep and sometimes it gets to be so late that I finally go in and rock her because I know she has to be frustrated. She’s always been an independent sleeper and we have always kept an earlier bedtime so this puzzles me. Where am I going wrong?
We wish we could tell you just based on that info, but as you know, a lot more affects sleep, from environment to nutrition and exercise, to habits and consistency, and more. If she is taking a nice long nap in the middle of her day, it’s possible her bedtime could shift later. With kids napping once a day, we often see good results with a nap right in the middle (awake about 5 hrs, nap for about 2 hrs, awake another 5 hrs, then bed). You may need to play around with nap time and bedtime. Try something new consistently for a week or so to see if it’s improving before shifting timings again. If that doesn’t help, we may need to look more deeply at other factors. Good luck!
Hi, I have a bedtime, on school night, that I really don’t like! I am 12 years old, and my parents make me go to bed at 7:30. I was hoping that it would get later, around the time that I turned 10 or 11, but it didn’t. I don’t mind going to bed at 7:30 now, but I don’t want to in around 2 or 3 years. I’m worried that if I talk to my parents it will make it worse. What do u think I should do? Thx
Hi, I have a sister that’s 5 that goes to bed at 7. I’m 12 and go to bed at 7:30. I never thought that it was fair that I only go 1/2 hour later than her. But my parents won’t even let me talk about it. What should I do? Thx
Maybe you can suggest they read this post. 12 year olds do still need a lot of sleep, but not as much as 5 year olds – typically about 10 hours. An appropriate bedtime also depends on what time you wake up each day, how active you are, and more. Do you have trouble falling asleep at 7:30? Do you have enough time to do your homework, hang out, read, relax? Definitely speak to them about it in a thoughtful and respectful way. But do realize that your parents are giving you a gift – prioritizing sleep is so important and will help you stay healthy and be at your best!
Hi, I have two children aged 5 & 6. They always struggled to fall asleep. I recently made my own lavender linen spray, which I spray on their bedding just before bedtime. This has helped tremendously as lavender is calming they usually fall asleep within 20 min!
Hi i am a first time sahm, my son will be 11 months at The end of this month he was sleeping through the night at 3-6 months and when he started teething just stopped and we figured it was that..his bedtime is usually 7-8pm but recently has moved to the 9pm hour. When we try to put him to sleep he will scream and scream until we can manage to rock him to sleep he will then wake up at 12am 3 am and 6am (ready for day) naps during day are around 9-10am and then then 3-4pm. My husband and I have no idea what we are doing wrong and desperately need our own restful night sleep any advice? Thank you!
Hi, You’re not doing anything wrong. Most babies don’t sleep through the night until they are well into toddlerhood. I know it’s difficult, especially after you were used to getting more sleep yourself. But don’t fret…your baby will grow out of it eventually. In the mean time, it sounds like you’re doing the right thing. Just comfort your baby, and nurse/bottle feed if necessary. You are doing a great job! Hugs from another sleep deprived mommy.
I personally, would just go with his natural rhythms. I wouldn’t cut down on naps. He’ll probably be one crabby guy during the day. Before you know it, his rhythms will change again. It’s tough, but won’t be like this forever. My son wakes up really early too. I have found that if I leave it fairly dark, but allow a little bit of morning light to come through he sleeps longer. Go figure…. lol.. so he sleeps until 6:20-7am instead of 5:30am.
Hang in there, Emily! It’s certainly typical to have struggles along the way. We actually find that we can help babies (and parents) start sleeping through the night at 6 months. You may find some helpful tips on our blog. Feel free to email us or call if you’d like to set up a consult. Although we can’t give too much specific advice without doing a full intake, I can tell you that your LO likely needs a much earlier bedtime and by 9pm, he’s probably overtired. Please let us know if we can help. Best of luck.
Hi there, my 9 month old is asleep by 6.45 -7pm. But has been waking early , like 5 am 60% of the tim. I am certain he is warm and the room is dark still at 5am. He takes two naps, about 2 hours each sometimes a bit longer. I am considering possibly cutting his naps a little, Should I reduce both naps to 1.5 hours or just reduce one initially?
Thanks
Hi, Roshanne. We typically don’t advise waking babies that young from a nap. Without more information, it’s hard to give you specific advice. However, we typically find that babies that age do better with an earlier bedtime so you can give that a try for a few weeks. Feel free to call or email us if you’d like to set up a consultation with us for a personalized plan.
HELP! My 3.5 year old often sleeps very late and I know that the culprit might be that she takes long naps in the afternoon. On school days, she takes Naps from 1-3pm, and we thought she would be tired and sleep earlier on school days but she still doesnt sleep until 10:00-11:00pm! We give her a bath by 8pm and get into bed to read a book by 8:30pm but she doesn’t go to bed until almost 10! She often asks for water then has to pee..On non school days, if grandma is watching her, she lets her take 2.3-3.5 hour NAPS! (often 1-3:30 or 4pm). So then she wont go to bed until 10 or 11pm and wakes up around 8:30am-9am every morning. Does this balance out?..
HI, Mai! This is not an uncommon problem at this age! You can try to cap the naps and wake her after an hour and a half to see if that helps. In addition, while we know it may sound odd, she may actually need an EARLIER bedtime. 8pm is fairly late for 3.5 year old! Try a bedtime closer to 7pm and see if that helps. There are often many factors involved when a child is struggling with sleep. If you’d like more personal and specific advice, we’d be happy to consult with you privately!
I love this post, because I believe that getting adequate sleep is 100% necessary. However, I would greatly appreciate some advice. My husband’s little sister is 10, and his mother lets her stay up EXTREMELY late (as in, up to 2 in the morning)! I was raised with early bedtimes and compliant kids who were happy to go to bed, but MiL (mother in law) has no desire whatsoever to enforce a bedtime (or any other household rules, but that is a different story). Is there any way for me to politely interfere? I have kept my mouth shut for our 4 years of dating and year of marriage to keep from making waves, but I am getting concerned for the health of SiL. She has been sleepwalking and was even held back a year (probably also due to lack of other rules, like MiL not making SiL go to school, do homework, etc). I know that she is a smart girl, but does not have the motivation to take care of herself or the parental guidance to be taken care of.
HI! It certainly seems like you have a lot on your plate! We understand that family relationships are often filled with conflict – especially when parenting styles differ. It seems like your husband’s sister could certainly use more sleep and maybe a pediatrician can help explain the importance of sleep to the other members of the family. Best of luck.
Hi, my nearly 8 year old son is in bed around 8pm, but complains he can’t get off to sleep and gets up a couple of times to go to the toilet over the next hour. He goes off to sleep between 9 -9.30pm. He wakes up around 7 and can’t get back off to sleep after that. I often think hes a little tired first thing and would benefit from a little more sleep, if only he would go off to sleep sooner. His behaviour is good though so no probs there. Any advice? More relaxation at bedtime? Keep a sleep diary? Thanks
Great question. It can be difficult for older kids to settle down for sleep. Make sure all screens are off at least an hour before bed, as the blue light they emit can delay the production and release of melatonin. Is he getting enough exercise during the day? How’s his diet? Is his room dark, cool, quiet or with white noise? Take a look at what’s going on during the day, as that sometimes has an impact on sleep. Beginning the wind down earlier will give him more time to transition. Darken your home if possible to help signal nighttime (especially if it’s still light out). Recently, we’ve been using a meditation app at bedtime to help our kids relax. What does he say is preventing him from falling asleep? Does he have a lot on his mind? If he can’t fall asleep within 20 mins, have him get out of bed and write down his thoughts. Good luck and keep us posted.
Hi there,
I think my son 33months old doesnt have enough sleep. He sleep 9hours at night, ( fall asleep at 9 – 6:30). I expect him taking nap for2hrs, but he doesnt. And there is something wrong with him when he naps. After he nap 1hr, he screams, cries, and doesnt fall back asleep. If i go to his room, and calm him down, he will cry clouder, and behave angrily. I dont know why. What can i do now to fix his nap time and make him sleeep more. So totaly, he just sleeps 10 or 10 1/2 hrs.
I’m losing my mind and I don’t know what to do!
My kids seem to be awful sleepers. They used to be good sleeps and I don’t know what happened. Bedtime is 7pm…it was 8pm, but DD is ready by 7pm and DS quit napping.
DS – 3 1/2 (own room)
– no naps
– wakes 1-2 times during the night just about every night
– crawls in bed with us 4-5 times a week (sometimes won’t go back to sleep)
– wakes up for the day between 4am-6am
DD – 1 (rooming with us)
– naps 1 for 1-2 hours
– wakes 1-4 times during the night (not breastfed, weaned)
– wakes between 3am-5am won’t go back to sleep unless in our bed
– wakes up for the day between 6am-7am
I know I should just suck it up and start drinking coffee, but I’m exhausted!! When DS gets up, he’s not quiet, and tends to wake his sister. Any suggestions??
Without doing a full intake and getting to know your family better, we can’t give specific advice. I’d suggest checking all your sleep foundations, starting with daytime sleep. Another key to getting kids, especially toddlers, to sleep through in their own beds is setting clear boundaries and enforcing them consistently. Maintaining a consistent routine and schedule is also a pillar of good sleep hygiene. If you need further support, please contact us directly to book a consult. Good luck!
It’s hard but you need to stop them coming into your bed. I’ve got 4 children so I know it’s easier to let them in just so you can all get some extra sleep but unfortunately it makes the problem worse long term. You can do it 2 ways. First is cold turkey, just put them back in their own bed every time they get up and try to come in your bed. The 2nd way is to let them in for a 10 minute cuddle, make sure they know that’s all it is. Then be firm and stick to your guns and don’t give it. It takes a couple of (tough) weeks before you see a change. It is very easy to give in, I know this! But it than makes things so much harder the next time you try. As for the waking up for the day so early, try and get them to stay in bed an extra 10 minutes and increase this weekly. We tell ours it’s just not time to get up yet and if they can’t sleep I tell them they need to stay in bed and read or look at books quietly so they don’t wake the whole house up. 3 of mine will sleep later but I have 1 who insists on waking at 5am every day. He used to wake up his brothers so he wasn’t ‘alone’ but now he’s 6 and more confident he is happy to sit and read. Parenting is never easy and you are never prepared because every child is completely individual. I hope you get the sleep routines worked out for your own sanity. Good luck.
I bought a sleep cd off the internet, its brilliant, loads out there, I insist on no tv or games after 6pm, I read a chapter from the narnia books, then its lights out, and put the cd on, it even sends me to sleep!
Advice please!!
My 4-yr old is suddenly having extreme difficulty falling asleep at night. Her bedtime is 8:00, and has been for over a year. However, almost every night she lays awake in her bed and says she doesn’t know how to fall asleep. I don’t know what to do, I just tell her to go back to bed. But sometimes I still hear her awake and moving around as late as 10:30!! And then she wakes between 6 and 7 in the morning with no difficulty. Does she just not need the recommended amount of sleep? Should I let her stay up later at night?
I frequently babysit, and encounter this problem a lot. Kids will be super tired, but want to stay up to talk, make sure their parents get home ect. I sit there with them and tell then to close their eyes (very important, sometimes this works by itself) and walk them through a meadow. “Its a game” I say, “To make you believe you’re somewhere else, pay attention.” I explain in detail what they see, feel, smell, hear, and sometimes taste. When they interrupt, I gently tell them that they’re not allowed to ask questions, and they’re asleep in 5 minutes tops. This gets old after so many times, so I switch to describing things like hikes in the hills, petting animals, anything that will grab their attention without making them too excited. If this doesn’t work well, I will have them pretend that their blanket is magical, and makes whatever part of their body that it touches feel good. I start at their feet, and have them imagine their toes relaxing, then their ankles, all the way up to their shoulders. If they’re not asleep by then, I describe the blanket covering their face and making their minds relax. This one has never failed me.
What a wonderful idea! We love when caretakers are creative! This reminds us a great deal of mindfulness and meditation which we LOVE for our older, school-aged children and clients! Thank you for sharing this with our community!
My daughter is 10 and her bed time is at 8 , the problem my wife and I have is she doesn’t fall asleep until 1030 or 11 . In the morning we have to wake her several times before she get up
My 2 1/2 year old goes to bed at 19:30 and my 7 year old at 20:00. Both girls usually wake naturally around 7 which is perfect for the school day
As a mom of a 2-year-old, I find these bedtimes to be ridiculously early. My husband doesn’t get home until 6:30 some days and his joy is playing with his son after work. With these bed times, when do you suggest working parents to spend time with their children?
After my husband gets home, we have dinner as a family, and then it’s bathtime, followed by story time and then bedtime for my son. On a good day, he goes to sleep around 8:30-9:00, but some nights, depending on what our schedule looks like, he may not be in bed until 10:30 or even later.
That said, he consistently gets 11 hours of sleep a night (I stay home with him in the mornings, so I usually let him sleep until he naturally wakes up), and he takes a 2-3 hours nap in the afternoon.
That said, because my son’s bedtime is so far off the “ideal” bed time, does it mean that it is wrong for him, or can children naturally adjust their circadian rhythms according to the lifestyle/schedule of the parents?
Thanks for your feedback, Samantha. First, let me say the bedtimes listed aren’t IDEAL, they are SUGGESTED based on information we know about circadian rhythms. As with all things children, every one is different and while most kids might follow these patterns, not all do. If your son is well-rested, well-behaved (as much as a 2-yr old can be), falls asleep easily and wakes up rested in the morning, then it sounds like your schedule is fine for him. If you and/or your husband are naturally later risers, then chances are your son will be, too. If you are consistent with your routine, your son’s body will adapt. However, if your schedule is so far off what is HIS natural rhythm, over time you may see signs of what is called “Jet Lag Syndrome.” Once he is school aged, you may have to re-think your schedule if he needs to wake earlier to get to school on time.
I have a ten year old daughter she goes to bed at 9:00 but wakes up at in the middle of the night( around 2 am) when i tell her to go back to sleep she goes in her room but is not asleep when i check on her when it’s time for her to get up she does not look good and has been a little moody what do i do also this has been happening for the past 2 weeks
Hi :) thank you for this great information! My daughter is almost 10 months and has never been a good napper. She just dropped her 3rd nap but I have a really hard time getting her to take 2 good naps. One is usually only 30 minutes. She almost always wakes at 6am. Everything you read says they should nap at 9&1. I’m just not sure she can do that waking at 6. Do you recommend just going with the set, by the clock nap times and the consistency will make her body adjust? I just feel like I’m always having to over stretch her and am playing with overtiredness due to her short naps. I’d also love her wake time to be closer to 630/7 cause I have 3 year old twins and it would make our day line up so much better. Thanks for any help!
Hi. My daughters 13 and thinks that 8:30 on school nights is too early. I thought it was pretty late. Is it too early or not?
Hi, I have a 13 year old daughter and she is in bed before 8:30 every night including weekends. She thinks this is too early for her age and her friends all seem to go later but I thought this was late. Is it too early or not?
Everyone has different sleep needs and bedtimes that work for them. If your daughter falls asleep easily (w/in 15-20 mins) at 8:30 and has no trouble getting up in the morning at a consistent time, then that bedtime is working for her. If you try a later bedtime and she can still wake up easily feeling rested, then she can probably handle the later bedtime. Teenagers’ body clocks do shift over time to naturally wake and sleep later. If her school or activities respect that shift and don’t begin until later in the morning, then allowing a later bedtime should be fine. Please tell her that she needs to do what is best for her body and mind, and just because her friends go to bed later, doesn’t mean that that is best for her. She needs enough sleep to be her best physically and mentally! Alternatively, if an 8:30 bedtime enables her to be well-rested, you can allow her to stay up late on occasion to do things with her friends in the evening because she will be able to bounce back the next day. Kids who are chronically overtired have a much harder time recovering!
No, 8:30pm isn’t too early for a 13yr old girl. My 13yr and 11yr old girls (they share a room) go to bed at 8pm, lights off 8:30pm. Weekends 8:30 and 9pm lights off.
They need this sleeping time, they’ve no complaints about bedtime.
My grandson just turned 11 months, he has such a difficult time falling asleep. We put him to bed at around 9pm, he just play in his crib and then cry and cry until we come into the room then he started to play again. He doesn’t fall asleep until 11-11:30pm. He cry couple of times a night, one around 3 am and 5 am then he woke up around 6 am. I feel bad for letting him cry until he fall asleep on his own but if he sees us in the room he won’t go to sleep. Are there any simple method to put a child to bed without him fussing so much?
Yes! We can’t give you much specific advice since we don’t know your family, medical history, etc., but the easiest thing to try is not letting him be awake for too long. 9pm sounds like a really late bedtime. Kids that age can really only be awake a few hours at a time. If he is taking two good naps during the day (at least 1 hr each), then bedtime should be no later than 3+ hrs after he wakes from his 2nd nap. Putting babies down to sleep before they are overtired is the best way of getting them down easily. Once they are overtired, it becomes a struggle! Give that a try and let us know if you would like more support.
I live with my parents right now do to some health problems. Me and my two kids sleep in the same room. I have a two year old and a three year old. The two year old can open the door even unlock it first He has taken the safety thing apart so that doesn’t work. My problem is that I can’t get them to bed until almost ten. The house stays noisy until nine thirty. I have a sound machine but it only lessens the sounds but it doesnt help enough. When I do put the kids to bed they play and run around the room until they finally crash around midnight. I don’t really know what to do.
Any idea on how to deal with twins that share a rom but are no longer in their “confinement” of cribs? It is really challenging, and I strive to get them as much sleep as possible, but we cannot give them each their own rom, and they are cutting out their naps, and they are just turning 3 this month… So stressed!!!
My almost 4 year old goes to school 5 days a week and takes a nap there everyday. His bedtime at home is 730, but he doesn’t fall asleep until usually 9/930. He stays in his room and just reads books, talks to himself, etc. I’ve asked him to please try to to go sleep, but he just doesn’t seem tired. He wakes up at 630 no matter what. I’ll also note that he is not cranky at all during the day and does not fuss when he’s in his room by himself.
On the weekends, he has quiet time and chooses to not take a nap. He goes to sleep much earlier on sat/sun. My question is, how can I get him to actually sleep earlier? I just always feel so bad seeing him in there for so long by himself :(
It’s great that your son can relax by himself, but if you feel he needs more sleep, you may want to try putting him down even earlier. Often when kids take an hour to fall asleep, it’s because they are fighting their body chemistry – an excess of cortisol and adrenaline, hormones our bodies release when we are overtired. You could also try relaxation techniques before bed, like meditation. You could also speak to his daycare about limiting his nap to 1hr and see if that helps. Good luck, and let us know if you need more support.
My now 5yo does the same thing! We ask him to stay quiet, and he has to keep the lights off. If he is allowed to talk outloud he normally stays up later. But having to be quiet knocks him out. Being in there alone isnt a bad thing. I know, at least with my son, thats the only time he gets to himself.
Hi, I am 14 years old and I usually survive off of 4-6 hours of sleep. I worked out that in the last 2 nights, for example, I got less than half the minimum recommended time of sleep, only sleeping 7.5 hours in 2 nights. I do get quite tired, but when I went to bed at a “normal time” i.e. 10-11pm I seemed even more tired. I am doing well in school and I have enough energy to last the day, I don’t seem to be getting sick more and I don’t think I am moody. I just noticed that all of the people commenting on this were parents and I thought you might want a kids perspective.
My daughter is 17 years old and she goes to bed at 8:30 on school nights and wakes up at 6:50.
Well my kids go to bed at 8:30 and they are aged 11 and 9
Hi there, my son is 26 months and is consistently waking before 6am. I am on day 3 of getting him to bed at 630pm (instead of 8/830). However, he still seems to wake up around 5/530am. Any suggestions to help him sleep longer or is this just an adjustment phase to his new, earlier bedtime? He still naps once a day for about 2 hours. Thanks!
Hi, this area is an expecially difficult one for us since my husband is from South America. We spend a lot of time with our in-laws / cousins (like many Latino families do!) and we have a much later schedule than many of our friends. One sister-in-law and I both homeschool, so we don’t have the need for a really early wake time in our families, and many nights we are still at our in-laws’ house at 9:30, or even 10:30 visiting. This is extremely common, and even the “norm” in South America. The children there adjust accordingly and do not follow our North American sleep studies, advice, etc. We struggle because in our family we would have to miss tons of family activities to have an early bedtime. Our kids are seven, five, and three. Is it beneficial at all to have a set bedtime on nights that we aren’t with family and then adjust it for later nights? Should we stick with a later bedtime all the time or set it earlier on the nights that we are home? I know that would be inconsistent, but we want our children to enjoy family time the way my husband enjoyed it growing up. Thanks!
Great point, Kelly! There are a lot of cultural differences around the world. If you feel your children are getting enough total sleep each day, going to bed and/or nap easily, waking feeling rested, and have enough energy to do all the activities they want to, then don’t worry! You have found a routine that works for you. If they go to bed “late” but are also waking “late” and seem well-rested, their bodies have likely adjusted to this rhythm. You have the luxury of allowing a later wake time because of home-schooling, so no problem. Consistency is important, maybe even more important that the actual clock time, because our bodies have built-in clocks and are designed to do things the same time each day. If your kids are naturally waking earlier than you’d like and aren’t getting enough sleep, you may need to try an earlier bedtime for a while to allow them to make up for missed sleep. If you need some additional support, we’d be happy to consult with you. Good luck!
my 22mth old daughter, is an early waker, usually between 5-530 am. she goes gown to bed between 630 and 7. i am a morning person and am happy to wake up at 6, but her 530 or earlier wake up is TOO EARLY for me! if its closer to 5 i can sometimes get her to go back to sleep but it takes between 30 mins to over an hour and she will sleep for another 30-40 mins, i however can not get back to sleep. will putting her to bed at 6 make a difference, she is waking so much earlier than the proposed wake time you have listed. please help?
In our book, anything before 6 or 6:30 is not an acceptable wake time! (Unless you are a family of early risers…) Given how early she’s waking, an earlier bedtime is likely a good idea. Kids her age need the opportunity to sleep about 12 hrs at night. You can also look into visual alarm clocks and reward systems or other behavior modification approaches to work on the early waking. Or just hold on for Daylight Saving Time this Sunday! Look out for our blog about it later today…
Hello, I have a 12 month old who has taken to one 2 hour nap a day from 10am – 12 p.m. He is usually up at 6 am. and by 10ish appears cranky / tired. During the afternoon he doesn’t often get cranky or appear tired. My efforts to put him down are usually futile. Therefore I leave it at one nap and I put him to bed at 6 pm, when he seems ready. Are there some babies that prefer a morning nap? he seems happy. Also he’s starting daycare soon, and the one nap babies there nap after lunch, so not sure if they’ll try and change his nap to match??
Every child is different – has different rhythms and sleep needs. The information we provide here are just guidelines based on common patterns for a majority of babies each age. But if you have a different routine that works for you, great! If your son is fussy or fights going down, though, that’s usually a sign of overtiredness. Do speak with your daycare and find out what their sleep arrangements are. Hopefully they will work with you to support your child’s sleep needs.
i see the time that they should go to bed, but what time based on that do you think they should be waking? They are ages 5,3 & 3 months. Thank you!!
Most children wake naturally between 6:30 – 7:30 am. If you can tell what your kids’ natural wake time is, use that. Otherwise, pick a time somewhere in that window that works best for your family and make that your official wake time. Having a consistent wake time is just as important as having a regular bedtime, so thanks for your question!
My 5 month old son (6 week early preemie) is waking up alot during the night. I just switched his bedtime from 8pm to 730pm to make sure he is going to bed early enough. His typical day looks like this: 8am:wake; 9:30-10:15 nap; 1145-1230 nap; 2-3 nap; 430-5 nap; 730 bedtime (these naps vary by 30 min depending on the day). We did start sleep training a little over a week ago- CIO method, which seemed to work well for him (he did not cry too much thank goodness!). The good thing is that now when he does wake over night he is able to put himself back to sleep, for the most part. The problem is he is waking up a lot. I am still nursing him twice at night based on my pediatricians recommendation. He seems to wake after 5 or 5.5 hours and then again 3.5 -4 hours later and need a feeding. The times he wakes otherwise seem to just be wakeful sleep. This can range from 2 extra wakings to 5 extra wakings (lasting 2 min to 10 minutes)! I am not sure how to get him to sleep better overnight and how to extend his naps for better overall rest. When he wakes often I notice he is not as happy in the morning, too (which makes sense) and his naps are shorter (30 minutes). Any advice is helpful! thanks!
I’m in the same boat. Had this been corrected? Any suggestions?
Have you tried a swaddle blanket? It makes baby feel secure and may lead to longer times. It worked well for us. It may be worth a try. Good luck.
I just discovered your site as it seems there is no information on how to start putting baby on a sleep schedule. My 3 month old and I go to bed at 9pm, breast feed till he falls asleep, (between 9:30 and 10) then he sleeps until 12:30-1:00 when he needs his next feed, this repeats every two hours until 8-9 am when we getup. When should I be putting him to bed earlier and when will he sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time? He will nap for 20-60 mins 2-4 times during the day, but his sleep patterns are so random. I just don’t know how to do it.
I am in the same boat with my 3 month old. Did you find anything that worked for you?
When you have a newborn, it can be very difficult to figure out a schedule. The fact is that babies don’t develop circadian rhythms until almost 3 months. So before then, it’s really important to be responsive to their needs, let them sleep often, feed them as needed, and provide comfort and support. Don’t worry about him not having a regular routine – he’s not supposed to yet. Around 3 months is a great time to begin working on healthy sleep habits so that you are ready to transition to a more scheduled existence when your baby is neurologically ready. Often around 4 months, babies begin to develop a by-the-clock routine and around the same time sleep begins to consolidate, as long as there are no barriers, like dependence on external assistance to get to sleep.
My personal schedule is more a night oriented one due to work and school. I am the sole caretaker of my 2 year old. He goes to bed at 10:30 and is typically asleep by 11:30. He tends to wake up between 8:30 and 9:30 am and takes a 2-3 hour nap between three and six (he just won’t nap any earlier). On the days he gets no nap I make him stay up until 8:30 and then he passes out and sleeps until his usual wake time. I do this so that I can get sleep as well as get the things done I need to. I am catching a lot of flack from people who insist it has to be earlier for his bed time but that means he will be up earlier and that just doesn’t work for me. Are there any actual scientific studies that show the actual bedtime matters or just the amount and quality of sleep?
Great question. The chart we show above works for many families, but not all. You need to find a healthy solution that works for your family! The two most important things are having a consistent schedule and getting enough total sleep. If your son’s body has adjusted so that he can get 11-12 hrs of sleep at night and 1-2 hrs during the day, then you shouldn’t have a problem. Light and darkness are the primary triggers for our bodies’ internal clock, and if you can control those, you might be able to shift his body clock to the schedule you prefer. Think of it as living in a different time zone. Maintaining the same bedtime (and wake time) every day is also critical. Do keep in mind, though, that as he gets older and is ready for school, this time-shifted schedule will likely not work then. (There are studies that show the natural wake-times of children at different ages, but we’ll have to search to find out if there’s a study showing the time of sleep matters.)
My 4 month old goes to bed btw 6:30 – 7:00 and takes 3 – 4 naps during the day, between 30 mins – 1 hr each. He’s been waking at 5:00am or 6:00am for the day. How can I get him to sleep until 7:00? Would an earlier or later bedtime work? He wakes 1 – 2 at night to eat. Thanks!
My son has always been a great sleeper. We would put him to bed at 10 when he was a newborn and by 8 weeks he was sleeping until 8AM and wakes up with a smile! Also would take very regular good naps. As he got older he slept up to 12.5 hours regularly at night and napped well. This was a matter of about 3-4 weeks ago. He is now 6 months old and bedtime was 9. He has went back to crying out in the middle of the night and we barely use a pacifier and he has a lovey bear but now the pacifier is the only thing that would make him go back to sleep. He stays in bed and I walk in, put the pacifier in and walk back out and normally that’s it. This normally happens about 4AM and possibly 5, 6 and eventually would get up about 7:30. He also started getting really cranky at night so we moved bedtime up to 8:30. He was still cranky and things weren’t getting better and he started wanting to get up about 6 so we moved bedtime up more and are now at 7:30. He’s been here a few days (still cranky at bedtime). He sleeps more soundly at night but has been getting up about 5:30AM. We can’t keep him up later because he’s so cranky but 5:30AM is really early and I’m afraid if I keep moving it up, it will get earlier. At 5:30 he’s eating then wanting to go back to sleep right after until 7. Then he’s very cranky pretty much most of the morning and wants to eat a lot. We do about 25 oz of BM (pump & bottle) a day plus half jar of veggies, half jar of a meat, some fruit, and 2 TBSP of cereal morning and night (He loves his food!). I’m not sure if this is a phase, teething, bedtime or feeding related. His naps are rough too. I work for my parents company and am blessed to get to have him at work with me but trying to get him to nap, get work done and keep up with pumping with a cranky baby is tough. He has been doing a scooting crawl the last few days too… Do you have any advice?
It’s difficult for us to give specific advice without conducting a complete intake. So many things affect our children’s sleep! Your instinct is correct in moving bedtime earlier – overtiredness is frequently the culprit behind night waking. The other area to check out is daytime sleep – if your child is sleeping well for naps and getting sufficient sleep during the day, that often improves night sleep. Other factors be environmental, medical, or habit. If things don’t improve soon, give us a ring and we’d be happy to schedule a consult! Hang in there.
Great Advice,
However how do you handle a child that just doesn’t like to sleep?
I have an almost 3 year old who we try to get to sleep by 10pm. He still wakes up at 5am and thinks it’s time to get up for the day. We have cut out naps to try and help the situation but it doesn’t seem to be working. I would ideally like him to be in bed by 8 or 9 but I’m terrified that if I do so he will be up at 3am for the day!
Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Try some unsweetened cherry juice during the day. Its supposed to help sleep. :D
I remember my first sleep over in 3rd grade. I was 9 and had an 8pm bedtime. I passed out by 7:30 or something as it was a very long active day for the girl’s birthday. I was teased the following week as most of the others saw midnight. I was told I went to bed when little babies went to bed and that I was a baby if I couldn’t stay up to see 10.
I was upset, but my parents are both in the medical field and taught me about the science behind my bedtime. My dad took me to a medical museum the following weekend and showed me the human body and explained how systems worked and were connected. I accepted my bedtime!
I was the only one laughing come report card time when I knew I wouldn’t be grounded all summer!
I’m 26 and still follow a bedtime routine. It’s opposite of most due to the shifts I work. When I have kids they’ll have the same bedtime schedule I did.
My son is almost 11 months and goes to bed usually between 7 and 9 (always within 4 hours of waking up from his last nap. He usually wakes up between 7 and 830 and takes 2-3 naps a day depending on when he wakes up. My problem is, he usually wakes up around 1130 and then again around 330 and will nurse or take a bottle (4-6 oz) at least one of those times. He usually is only awake for however long it takes to eat and he passes right back out. Is there anything we should adjust that might help that? full disclosure-his crib is in our room and he often ends up in bed with us after the first wakeup.
Gina, this could have been written by me (we even have the same name). My daughter is almost 11 months old, wakes around 10 and 3 (and sometimes 5) and wants to nurse. She sleeps in her own room, though.
What did you do, if anything, and when did it improve for you?
This is an interesting read! Our 7 month old goes to sleep around 8:30 every night, and in the past week, she’s been falling asleep just fine, but then waking up screaming/crying about an hour later. The only thing that seems to soothe her is taking her in to our bed with us, where she will then wake up about two more times during the night. She’s just finished cutting her second tooth, so I was expecting a bit of schedule disruption, but don’t want this to become a habit. Any thoughts? She gets at least 3 hours of nap a day, and tends to wake up for the day around 7am. Thanks in advance!!
my little one just turned 8 months and I am having the SAME exact problem! help!
I was wondering when you put the hours of sleep needed is that including their naps or are they supposed to nap in top of the amount of hours listed
Those include naps! And it’s just an average range. Some kids may need more (or less). Always check with your pediatrician if you have any concerns.
Great guidelines! My 6 month old has been waking multiple times a night crying and waking for the day (talking, etc) in the 5am hour. I wake him from 3 daily naps (1.5, 1.5, .5) and he is asleep by 730, although I just started moving him to 715 to see if it helped. According to your chart that’s too many total hours (morning wake time 730…trying to gradually change for the time change). Where should I subtract sleep? That third nap exists because he does around a two hour wake time, which I’m slowly extending.
Don’t worry if your son is getting more than the average amount of sleep listed on our chart. His sleep needs may be greater than average right now. If he regularly sleeps much longer than what our chart lists, you may want to keep a log for a couple weeks and check with your pediatrician. An earlier bedtime may help the 5am waking, and perhaps he needs slightly longer naps, so unless your schedule demands he be up exactly 1.5 hrs after falling asleep, you could try letting him sleep a little longer during the day. Good luck!
My daughter is 25 mo and has never been a good sleeper:( she still wakes up three or so times at night. If she naps maybe two hours she doesn’t go to sleep till midnight and sleeps till 11am. If she doesn’t nap she will go to bed around 10pm. I loooonngg for the nights of consistent sleep and evening hours to myself/husband!!
We have a two year old that has never slept well at all. We start our bedtime routine at about 6pm (a show to wind down, pajamas, stories and songs and a tuck-in) and she’s usually down by about 7:30pm. (She does fight us going to bed though)
Almost every night she wakes up either crying or calling out for Mommy and Daddy between midnight and 1pm. Most of the time, she just needs to be tucked back in and then she’ll fall right back to sleep.
We have tried just about everything but now with a new little one in the mix, we don’t want her up crying at night since it wakes up the other one who is actually already forming better sleep habits.
“Social visits” at this age are pretty typical, although frustrating for moms and dads! The most recommended approach is the “silent return to bed” treatment which is exactly what it sounds like! Be consistent and limit interaction with her when she wakes. You may also want to try an earlier bedtime…Especially if she’s not taking a good nap during the day! Good luck. Feel free to contact us if you need more help. Our services are listed on our site!
Great posting! I so totally agree. We set our children’s bedtimes according to their sleep cycles and not according to what was convenient for us. Our kids were healthier and happier than a lot of the children in my daycare whose parents kept their children up at night to spend ‘quality time’ with them. It was to their child’s detriment that they did this. The children wound up taking three hour naps at daycare because they were exhausted!
Now that we have two college seniors and a high school freshman, they know their limitations and don’t pull the ‘all-nighters’. They understand when their bodies need to rest and that they do better in classes, have fewer mood swings, are healthier and happier than their classmates who stay up all hours and require energy drinks to get then through the day. It all starts from the very beginning!
I give this advice to new moms and they have come up to me later and thank me. I’m happy. You’re getting this out there.
Wow so I feel like I have my 5 month olds schedule all wrong!! What are your suggestions on changing her schedule? At the moment she is bf so she wakes up at night to eat (2 times per night)we put her to bed at 9 she wakes up around 2am then 5, then 8 and officially wakes up at 10. Stays up for about an hour and a half so she goes down for a nap at 1130. And the rest of the maps depend on how long she sleeps. Most of her naps are about 45 min.( they have been a bit longer lately) I try not to keep her awake for more than 2 hours at a time because she gets overtired and cranky. I’ve asked around and searched the web so much about how her naps are short and I think your post might explain a lot. What are your suggestions and also what is your opinion on where she sleeps? Her crib is still in our room and I plan to move her into her room at 6 months but she only naps in her crib yet I have friends who have babies that sleep anywhere and anytime…
Thanks for your comment. It sounds like you are on the right track but your timing is off and perhaps your daughter is fighting her own biological clock. When this happens, babies can develop the equivalent of jet lag! It is great that your baby is sleeping in her own crib. The location of the crib is less important as long as it’s a cool, dark room. Babies really can only sleep anywhere, anytime until around 3 months, so I’m not surprised that at 5 months, yours needs her crib. If you have trouble adjusting her schedule, we’d be happy to work with you. Check out our Services page to learn how we work with clients and our rates.
My 18 month old daughter will not go to sleep on her own for bed. She still wakes in the middle of the night and is overall sleeping poorly. Oh, and she just started climbing out of the crib during her CIO sessions. We are at a loss. Nobody has any advice now that she climbs out. She will go down for a nap with no problems at all and sleep for 2-3 hours. We fell for the “if she goes to sleep late, she will make up for it in the morning.” What time should an 18 month old be woken up in the morning to be on a good schedule for a 6:30-7pm bedtime?
Ideal wake time for a 6:30/7 bedtime is probably around 7am. If you’d like additional assistance and support for getting your daughter to bed, please check out our Services page and submit an intake form to start the process. Good luck!
This chart is a great resource, thank you for posting. Although I do have one question. My 13month old doesn’t seem to go a full week without waking in the middle of the night or waking really early. When he wakes early it is anywhere from 4-530am. Usually at this time I will get up and cuddle with him and he will go back down about an hour later. I know this isn’t something I should be doing, but why do you think he wakes so early? He usually naps anywhere from 1.5-2.5 hours a day, and goes to bed between 7&730. Please help. Thanks!!
Night waking may be caused by several things – at 13 months, teething is a big one! Early morning and night waking are often caused by too late of a bedtime, so for the time being, you may want to move bedtime early and see if that helps. The 4:00 am wake may now be a habit, and he may just want a social visit with you. He may also be hungry at that time.
Hello!
My daughter is about to turn 3 yrs. old, and has a very different schedule than most children her age. She usually WAKES up every morning between 9am-10am. I am a stay-at home-mother, and don’t really mind having that time in the morning to do chores and focus on my 5 months old. However, she is also a night owl, and seems to go to bed around 9pm. (this is usually without an afternoon nap. If she does nap, it is from 4:30pm -6pm, but this is becoming rare. :) Any thoughts?
Hi, Kristi. Thanks for your question. If this routine works for your 3yr old and your family and your child is getting the recommended amount of sleep, then don’t worry about it too much. You can always check with your pediatrician if you are concerned. If you want to adjust her wake and sleep times, do it gradually and be consistent.
What times are you suggesting these babies should be waking in the morning. My 5 month old is typically just waking up when you suggest her first nap should start. Both of my kids wake between 8:30 and 9 am. My baby goes down at 8:30 by her cues and my 2.5 year old at 9. Three naps by the baby a day and a two hour nap by the toddler.
If your own wake and bedtimes are working for your kids and your family then don’t worry about it. As we have said, every child has his own biological clock. This chart is simply a guideline for what works for most people. If your kids are cranky or seem tired during the day or in the evening, then you may need to consider a different schedule. Most kids naturally wake between 6:30 and 7:30 when well rested.
My almost 4 year old (end of Nov) has a very hard time falling asleep. We can start the routine at 7:30 and he usually fights it until 9-10pm. He also hasn’t napped for the past year except on rare occasions. I guess we just need to start the routine much earlier. I know he is just too tired so he fights it even more. Thanks for verying to my that I need to get him to bed much earlier!
Fighting sleep is often a sign of being overtired. If you can, try starting the bedtime routine 20 mins earlier each night for several nights until you hit your goal. It’s counterintuitive, but you may find you have less trouble getting him to sleep. No nap at almost four is fine as long as he’s getting enough sleep at night.
Awesome info! My 25 month old was going to bed around 7-730, but recently started taking a later (and longer!) nap, from around 1pm-4pm. Now he won’t go to sleep until 8-8:30. I try to adjust it, but he keeps just going back to this schedule. Should I wake him early from his nap? Or just adjust his bedtime to be earlier once he stops the nap (or shortens it)?
Hi, Bonnie. A nap around 1pm is great timing-wise. If he regularly sleeps until 4pm, that’s OK. How does he seem around 7:30/8pm? Does he give you a hard time getting to bed? If not, he may be OK with that later bedtime. But if he seems tired or fussy, it’s OK to try and put him down earlier for bed. It’s possible that he’s sleeping such a long nap to make up for a sleep deficit from going to bed late. But it could be his rhythm. You know your son best, so trust your judgement. I’d leave him to sleep in the afternoon, but wake him if he’s still sleeping at 5pm (I had to do that with my son this weekend!).
This is a great roadmap. I sort of stumbled upon it and truth be told I’m wondering if I’m totally screwing up my son’s sleep. He is 22 months old and goes to sleep at 9pm. He never wants to go down for a nap nor go to sleep at night so he’s often talking and singing in his crib for up to an hour at night. He has always slept through the whole night though (since he was 4 months old) and wakes up at around 7 or 8am and plays for generally an hour or so in the morning. Then he takes a nap around 3pm and sleeps for 2-3 1/2 hours. He doesn’t show any signs of sleepiness or fussiness before 9pm nor before his nap. I used to put him down for naps at 1pm and he just started refusing them until I put him down later and later and settled on 3pm. Is this whole scenario disastrous?
Thanks for any feedback!
If your son is getting enough sleep each day, and neither you nor your pediatrician are concerned, then I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Every child and every family has its own rhythms. We based our guidelines on what research shows are the most common natural wake and sleep times. But you may have a child who does well on a different schedule. Just be sure to keep an eye on his patterns and demeanor, as those circadian rhythms may change as he grows and you will want to adjust his bedtime accordingly. If you start seeing him have trouble hitting milestones, waking during the night, or becoming fussy and irritable, consider revising his schedule.
My daughter is 2 and takes a 2 hour nap from 2-4. We put her down about 9:30 and she sleeps till 8:30 in the morning usually. We have a late bedtime because my husband usually doesn’t get home until 7:30-8. For him to see his daughter every day we have had the late bedtime. Are we ruining her for sleep?
You know your daughter best. If she is consistently taking two-hour naps and sleeps well for 11+ hours at night, she may be just fine. If you find that she is tired during the day or fussy in the evening, then her body clock may be telling you she needs to sleep at the biologically appropriate times. We tell clients that if it isn’t broken, don’t worry about it. But if something isn’t working for you, then consider making a change. In either case, it will help you to understand the science behind recommended bedtimes. Good luck!
I completely agree with these times, and all the advice given in your comments! We have used bedtimes within these ranges for years with ours kids. I have suggested these bedtimes to friends whose babies are having trouble sleeping, and it has made a world of difference!
My daughter is 2 and takes a 2 hour afternoon nap (noon-2 p.m.) Her nap is part of her day care and she will continue to take it for the next year or longer. What would be an appropriate bedtime for her with the nap factored in? 7:30? She’s going to bed around 8:30 now.
Hi, Lisa. Great question. 2-year-olds expend a lot of energy (as I’m sure you know!) so they still need plenty of rest. If your daughter seems crabby in the evening, I’d recommend 7pm at the latest! After a full day of play, many toddlers do well with quiet time starting around 6:30 and are asleep no later than 7! Good luck. Keep us posted. -Debbie
This saddens me a little. My son is 2 1/2 and my husband and I both work full time. I often dont get home until 5:30 and then we have to make dinner, clean up, bath, get ready for the next day, etc… If I were to put him to bed at 6:30 I would only get to see him for an hour at night and he would be going to bed right after we eat.
He usually takes a 2-3 hour nap during the day and gets about 10c hours at night…
thoughts?
Hi, Becci. You are not alone. This is a problem for many parents. I understand as I’m a full-time working mom as well. Unfortunately, if you wan to make sleep a priority, then this is what has to happen. You have to believe that you’ll make up for lost time together on the weekends and that this is really what’s best for your son. 2.5-year-olds need a lot of sleep and depriving him of that hardly seems worth it. I’m glad to hear he’s napping well! That’s great news. Hang in there and thanks for sharing this with us. Best of luck. -Debbie
No matter what we try, we cannot get our 5 and 3 year olds to go to sleep before 9 pm. We started the night time process today at 530 pm. They just feel asleep at 855pm…
We have to get them ready for school at 445am and take them to their grandparents. They go back to sleep until 7am. I know this is not enough sleep, but we cannot break the pattern. Any suggestions?
Hummm….well, unfortunately, their sleep is being disrupted every morning so this may be causing a real sleep deficit. They would probably benefit from naps or “rest hour” every day after school if possible. Catching up on the weekends would also be helpful. 9 is really too late for them to be going to sleep. It takes about a week or so to change a sleep pattern…especially with older children. I would really recommend that you stick to your 5:30 plan for a week and see if you make progress. Good luck. -Debbie
Another thing you could try is moving bedtime earlier slowly over several days or even a couple weeks. Try moving bedtime earlier by 20 mins each night. Maybe your kids just need more of a transition? Worth a shot if 5:30 isn’t working now. But definitely keep working toward that goal!
What is their bedtime routine? How are they expressing their desire to stay up? The response has to be tailored to what is happening each night. It has been a while since you posted here; how have things changed?
So how much sleep IS enough sleep for teenagers? How many hours should they get?
Teens tend to be good at “catching up” on sleep on the weekends when there are fewer demands on their time (less homework and sports/activities). Most teens probably SHOULD get around 8 hours a night but it’s ok if they make up for some lost sleep at other times! Try not to plan family events for the mornings on Saturday and Sunday! :)
Research shows teens need about 9+ hrs of sleep. Here’s a link to check out: http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/teens-and-sleep. One item of note is that during teen years, circadian rhythms change keeping teens up later and night and making it more difficult to wake in the morning. So the daily routines of teens can often fight their natural biorhythms. Tough years!
I noticed that for my 15 month old you suggest that bedtime should be no more than 4 hours after nap. She often wakes from her nap by 1 or 1:30 (goes down at noon – she’s just a short napper some days, it varies)… 5 or 5:30 seems really, really early for bedtime. What should I be doing on these days?
How does she seem around 5pm? Tired, cranky? If not, she’s probably doing OK. But if she is cranky or fussy, or has a hard time getting to sleep later try moving the bedtime earlier and see if that makes a difference. It may even help her nap longer in the afternoon, so that eventually you can move her bedtime back later once she’s caught up.
Your baby should be taking naps that are AT LEAST an hour long. If she’s waking at 1 or 1:30 a 5:30 bedtime is absolutely the right time for her biologically. If she’s crabby at night, it’s because she’s really overtired! Try it for a few nights and see how it goes! Keep us posted. -Debbie
How long should naps be for each age group.
Naps may vary. From ages 4-8 or 9 months, we shoot for three naps per day. Naps should be at least one hour, although the third nap may be a bit shorter. 9 – 18 months, babies are typically taking two naps of 1.5 – 2 hrs each. Again, should be at least an hour at each nap time. Around 18 months, many children transition to one nap a day and often that nap is 2+ hours. Every child is different and night sleep can greatly impact naps, but those are general guidelines. Hope that helps!
Thank you, this is so helpful! I have 4 girls that range in age from 2-7 and have been putting them all to bed around 7:30. It’s good to know that I’m fairly on track! I’ll be bookmarking this to reference to friends :D
This is a great post that I have already shared with others. Creating awareness of the importance of sleep for the healthy brain development of children is so important. Too many people do not realize how lack of sleep impacts brain systems to affect learning, attention spans and moods.
Thank you for contributing to greater understanding.
Deborah
Amen, sister! Thanks for helping us spread the word.
Thank you! This was so helpful. I have two teenagers. They fight bedtime because, of course, it is cool to stay up late. The truth is one of them (sometimes both) want to take a nap when they get home from school. Hmmm, an indication that they’re not getting enough sleep, I’d say — but who listens to Mom? I need to remind them that their friends aren’t here to see how “cool” their bedtime is — and we really DO need to compute our time backwards from their wake-up time rather than just have a set bedtime. Thanks again! ~Sally
Thanks for your note! Your teens may also be fighting an early bedtime because their circadian rhythms have changed. Research shows that teens’ natural body clocks also change and may be one reason why teens stay awake later a night and have trouble waking up early in the morning. It’s great that you have made such an effort to be informed and place a priority on sleep. It will keep them healthy and help school performance!